Thoughts on life with a baby at 3 months.

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My little angel baby is 3 (and a half…forgive the time lag since I took these photos) months old. Man, I know I’m biased, but is this kid the cutest baby EVAR or WHAT? Don’t answer that. It’s so textbook it’s hilarious: I can’t stop staring at him, smiling at him, and cooing at him. I’m completely smitten. I remember being worried that having a third baby would feel a little “been there, done that,” but the miracle is that it doesn’t feel that way at all. You fall in love all over again, and it even feels new again, if perhaps a bit less surprising as with the first.

Each of my three baby experiences has been so different. Not so much because the babies themselves were so different — they have all been fairly easy babies — but because I am different. With Elliot I was fresh off of a seven-year science teaching stint that was so mentally and emotionally challenging that by comparison the days with a newborn felt lonely and unproductive. It’s hard to remember how happy or content I was, but guess I must have felt disconnected and a bit directionless, because I started the blog. I remember feeling like I just needed to find something to DO (you know, besides take care of an infant full time. HAH).

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With Clementine, my blog was a new business and it was getting pretty demanding. It felt like anyone who had any audience was picking up ad networks and sponsors and beginning to see that they could make money just by blogging. The digital patterns I had made while I was pregnant with Clementine while Elliot took his afternoon naps were selling well enough that I felt like I was thinking about business stuff all. the. time. I had to constantly check email to make sure my patterns got emailed out on time. I had to keep sewing. Keep blogging. Put the kid in front of the TV. Keep making new patterns. My brain was so busy with ideas and information, but with a toddler and a newborn every day needed an outing or playdate or I would go crazy. The result was that I had next to no free time to act on any of my ideas. It was like “Attack of the Busy Brain!” all the time, and it was pretty frustrating.

With Hugo (see he is SMILING???), I at least have the benefit of knowing what to expect; knowing that it is kinda boring sometimes, knowing that I’ll feel unproductive, and knowing that it will be a while before I can really dig in and work again, and that all of that is OK. I’m still in the thick of it. As I type this, I’m at my studio, and Hugo is napping underneath my cutting table in the next room (scratch that; he just woke up, so now he’s nursing). I go downtown to my studio for a few hours each week, not because I think I’ll get anything done, but because it’s just good to get out of the house and putter around in this place that feels like something I’ve built from the ground up. Low expectation seems key.

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The blog, the patterns, my overflowing inbox, the new website (!!!) we’re working on…the work is all still ever-present, and if I think about it too much it stresses me out, but I have to keep reminding myself that it’s just not that important. And I think I’m happier for it, at least I feel more at peace with my life. Some days I can hardly contain my joy at how wonderful this life I’ve been given is — I am so thankful to God for my healthy children, Mr Rae, who is just the best mate I could ever ask for, and the fun thing that “Made By Rae” has become. Other days I want to pull my hair out and I feel like a monster when I yell at my kids because they’re dorking around instead of putting their shoes on or getting ready for bed.

I want to write, but phantom blog posts just end up circling in my head instead of getting onto the page. I want to sew ALL THE THINGS, but the block of sewing time never materializes. But I know like everything about having a baby, things change so quickly, but work will always be there if I want it. And if it’s not — for isn’t that what all bloggers fear? that if we step away from what we have built with our blogs that it will all disappear into thin air? — that everything will still be just fine.

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23 thoughts on “Thoughts on life with a baby at 3 months.

  1. RAE, he is SO cute! That second picture down… oh my goodness! 🙂 Life with 3 kids is a rollercoaster. Sometimes I have loads of energy to stay up late and sew (and read blogs, and peruse online fabric stores)and then other weeks I feel constantly exhausted, trying to keep everyone afloat. I too, want to sew all.the.things! Wish I had a week-long staycation- alone! Have fun snuggling that little cutie.

  2. Oh my. great post. It is so hard to remember when you have a small business to step away and enjoy your kids. The work will be there even if we don’t get it all done at once. It is so easy to feel that you are the only one who is struggling to be ceo of all things in your life. Thanks for the share.

  3. I love this post! It’s so very honest and realistic. I’m in the same spot right now and I’m staying sane not sewing because I know the free time will come again!

  4. Rae, what a wonderful post. And what a wonderful baby-Boy- He is SO CUTE!!! I absolutely know what your feelings are right now. Just take your time, it never comes back.
    Best wishes Barbara

  5. First of all, he is gorgeous. So chubby and beautiful and perfect, just like every 3mo baby should be.
    Second of all, my two kids are about the same age as your two older ones, and I totally remember what it was like when they were babies and toddlers. I was in a much, much different mental place back then (not a bad one, necessarily, but it was different). I applaud your bravery with kid #3, and I think you’re doing a fantastic job using your creativity and balancing it with your responsibilities at home. It’s hard. Kudos.
    Third of all, good luck with the new website and business. I’m still finding my way professionally…I still have hope this will happen for me!

  6. Thank you for sharing. I just had my third (8 weeks ago), and I am contenting myself with planning a million projects, and drooling over patterns and fabric.

  7. What a great post. Hugo is in fact unbelievably cute. Look at that sweet tummy chub!! What you wrote describes a lot of what I’m going through now, attack of the busy brain indeed… coming up with knitting design ideas kept me up at night even though I was already getting zero sleep (my 9-month old is just now sleeping at night). On the one hand, I feel like I have to ride the wave while things are going well and push myself to get my little business to the next level. But on the other hand, I look at my kids and they are so small and I want to have more than a blurry memory of what it was like when they were young. I’m looking forward to september where both of them will be in daycare half-days. What a luxury it will be to have a block of time to accomplish things! And I feel I’ll be able to enjoy them more fully after I’ve had time to myself in the mornings.

  8. Oh crikey Hugo is completely, edibly cute. Please nibble on him for me. I think I spent the most time just adoring my third bubba, too. Because I was spending less time worrying about everything and wondering who the heck I was. Enjoy.

  9. Happy 3 months! What a cute baby! Your post really spoke to me and describes how I feel on so many days with juggling everything. I’m learning that the work will always be there, but the time with the kids while they are still young and cuddly will not!

  10. Amen, my friend. Of all the blessings we’ve been given -usually in installments of the years in our lives – the ones that are truly and deeply valuable are the ones with beating hearts. Of course I forget that all the time, especially when my pattern files are butting heads with someone’s crashing internet, or I have half a blog post in my head that HAS to be written before I forget it. It’s a work in progress for me, too, not to beat myself over the head for the times when I’m being Fallibly Human. Grace has never tasted so sweet on days like those. Or looked so much like the smile of a little kid 🙂

    Hanging in and rejoicing with ya –
    L

  11. And of course I forgot to add my swoons with the others in your fan club. Hugo (and I LOOOOVE his name) is adorbs. Good work making a fabulous baby!

  12. Yabbadabsolutely!

    What never ceases to amaze me is how three (or two or more) children can come from the exact same gene pool, look so much like their parents, yet each be so amazingly and wonderfully different and unique at the same time. Marvelous.

  13. Good for you!!! It is a very freeing place to be when we know that this is a season and to enjoy the throngs of babyhood while they are still there (I find myself in that position as well). Thank you for your inspiration as a mom, designer and letting creativity flow!

  14. First off, baby Hugo is ridiculously cute and cuddly!! Second, I really appreciate all your posts on family, blog, and the balancing act it all is. They always resonate so much with me. It’s encouraging when others talk about the struggle it all is. And I’m glad you are taking the time to get in those baby snuggles- I’m sad that my baby is no more and I’ve got a toddler on my hands already!

  15. Oh, I feel you on the phantom blog posts – phantom everything circling inside my head. Thanks for sharing – such a great post to read and feel like I’m not the only one. Hugo is scrumptious! Almost makes me broody!

  16. Oh my, how awesome is that. It is all so true. How nice for you to share so frankly. It’s a relief, as I too feel like a monster sometimes, what with a 4 1/2 year old and a 16 month old and moving and just life. And yes, he is the cutest ever. Really, he is darn cute.

  17. I just had to say how much I enjoyed this post. I only reasonably recently discovered your blog, through a friend who directed me to your Washi dress, but I love your honesty mixed with lightheartedness and realism. You are so blessed to have had the motivation to have started your business at the time in life you did, and that it took off for you. It can be so hard to remember that our children are actual gifts from God when they’re frustrating us to the max and making us feel like we just want some time to be ourselves and do our stuff. I really struggled with that for a long time after my first, but have now totally reached an acceptance that any plans I have are just not going to be fulfilled any time soon. So I’m just working away at projects when I can, and also, like another commenter said, not getting enough sleep, even though the children are in bed, because plans are going round and round in my head!
    X Sam

  18. What a great article! I totally agree with you, work will always be there. Enjoy the time with the baby. When I started quilting, I felt the same pressure of selling my quilts but soon realized it wasn’t worth all the effort.

    You seems to have a clear mind now. Just enjoy this time. Thanks for sharing!

  19. Thanks for this post. I am a mother of one not quite 2 year old (and not planning any others) and while I try to remind myself she will be small for a short time and before I know it will be off to school and I’ll have some say over my own time again, it can be hard to just accept the pace of motherhood for what it is. Your post helped me to remember this is a precious time and it doesn’t matter if the floor isn’t vacuumed, or I haven’t done anything just for me all week, as long as we’re enjoying each other’s company.

  20. I religiously read your blog but rarely comment, however I’m moved to say thank you for your thoughtful words about motherhood! My first has just hit 15 months & is a total (though curiously sleepless) joy, and yet most days I still find myself railing against the pace of life these days & worrying about all the things I need to ‘get done’ beyond looking after him. Your post, with all the benefits of more Mummy experience, reminds me this too shall pass, & that I should be careful to appreciate the tiny wonders of the small person I’m blessed with.

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